So, life is pretty full on for me during this time of my journey. I'm living in a flat with some pretty incredible women who I can now call my best friends. I'm 19 - 20 studying full time towards becoming a qualified early childhood teacher, working full time and partying every Thursday, Friday, Saturday eating rubbish and generally living pay check to pay check sometimes really struggling wondering how I'm keeping up with life .
I put a brave face on and just carried on . The ones who saw my bad side were my Mum and Dad at this stage I had no boyfriend. So my parents would get an ear full about all of my problems and how I was generally feeling some very heavy pressures due to studies and my job and I felt my health was just deteriorating!
I look back at this time and I don't know how I even got up in the mornings, every day I would have a sore stomach which I couldn't explain , I would try to ignore it because I needed to keep up with the girls in the flat. So the fact that I should have been studying or catching up on some sleep was constantly put to the back of my mind. Don’t get me wrong, these were some incredibly fun years, with lots of amazing memories but amongst all the madness I couldn't shake the feeling of knowing that something was wrong with me . I hadn't been on the pill for a long time now so I knew it would be out of my system, my periods were still very irregular to the point where I had no idea when it was going to show up or even if it was going to show up at all . I was constantly counting the days till I my period returned, to me my period was my friend others dreaded this occurrence every month and here I am praying for it. During some years of my life I have gone more than eight months without a period, normal right ?? Not!
It came to the point after my 21st birthday that my health and well being really started to pack right up. I was not myself anymore and I did not know what was going on. It was time to get some answers. During this year I went to so many doctors ... so many appointments yet no one seemed to really tell me what was going on with my body and then came that word again (pill) NO I'm not going on the contraception pill!
During these testing times, I discovered that I had real feelings for my best friend, John. John became my boyfriend and this relationship was full on from the moment it started, turns out I had already been in love with John for a lot longer than I ever let on ! So life was on track knowing I now had my best friend along for the ride! And boy was he in for a ride!!
" let there be room for not knowing. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won't have a title until much later. Don't let the un certainty deplete you. Embrace it and let the not knowing enliven you."
(Dr Libby Weaver)