This is the post that will bring you all up to speed on why in fact I did start to share my story! I said before I always wanted to, however the timing was always wrong and now i feel it is right and I am ready to take you all along in our journey..
My mum use to tell me in my teenage years don't even sniff a boy you will end up pregnant! For my mum she was as fertile as ever, from an early teen I had numerous chats with my mum about using protection and how she didn't want me to end up being a teen parent! Not saying there is anything at all wrong about being a teen mum it's just I had a plan ! I always have a plan!
You know the whole get a career, travel , find love , settle down get married and have babies !
Bang , TICK I have been successful in all but one of these areas !!
I think it's a women trait you start to look at your life in years! I use to have a picture in my head that I would be 25 married and with a baby on the way! But reality kicks in and sometimes things are completely left out of your control !
Life hits u right where it hurts sometimes and no matter how much of a control freak you are about your plan , you may just have to watch it slip away and watch it from the side line!
I guess you could say I was lucky in a way , I found out early that it was going to be tricky for me to conceive! I have been able to get myself prepared and organised for the steps I need to put in place ! Others may not find out they have issues with fertility until much further on in their life's ! I can promise you that it hasn't made this journey any easier, as I have Been on one hell of a journey from a very young age and had to think about things that others may not have even considered or put it their five year radar!
Timing is everything people always tell me. It will happen when your not trying. Don't stress, it will happen when it happens or your still so young ! All these words are great I prob have said them myself to others and I try to say them to myself, but unfortunately for me and my current situation I would rather not hear them! You know in your heart when you are ready to be a mum and more often then not women have this feeling and they decide the time is right for a baby and ta da baby is arriving nine months later, but for others and for myself no such luck! 😂
the hurt can be left written all over your face when u see someone you know announcing their pregnancy or even a friend telling you they are pregnant ! Do not get me wrong I am so fucking pleased for everyone who genially wants to have children and over the moon for them that they are able to have a baby ! As I know first hand having a baby is hard for some! I just can't wait for it to be our turn.
So here goes... last year in 2016 I had this feeling I knew I wanted to become a mum more then ever!! I knew my odds where against me with having pcos so I went back to the gynecologist who I had refereed myself too back when I was younger. This talk when something like this... I want to try for a baby I have not been on the pill for about six years , we don't use protection and I'm still very irregular with my periods! I believe I ovulate but who knows I'm starting to second guess everything about my body at this stage, and I'm laying it all on the table waiting for a quick fix!
She replies with we will start a round of drugs first to try and stimulate ovulation because my bloods at this stage showed that I was not ovulating At all. This was very daunting at first getting prescribed another does of drugs! I was to take them four times a day everyday. So I started straight away!
First couple of days I was experiencing some of the side effects that came with taking metforimn I had the runs and I was shitting up a storm! This however was not fun because it mostly occurred in the mornings following on from taking the morning pills. My bowels would decide that it was the best time to want to go just as I was suppose to leave for work! I was late a few times because of this issue! Not to mention it's incredibly embarrassing but so fucking inconvenient! After awhile I got over having the lose bowl motions and then came the acne, not to mention I had my wedding to start preparing for, my face turned so bad three moths prior to my wedding I stopped taking the drugs and focused on cleaning up my face , my pimples did luckily enough calm down before my big day! I paid a fortune on skin products for the next three months trying to repair the damage the pimples had done on my face! Of course i got pretty much all the side effects you get oh the joys of being me!
As I have become very aware the fertility drugs that specialists give out all have side effects and all women will experience different things! Some may not get any, some may get every single one! I knew at that time for me it was better for my body and for me to have a break and focus on the wedding. After the wedding I went back to my specialist to see what the next plan of attack would be! I was more then ready after the wedding to have a baby to add to our family!
So one month pretty much to the date of our wedding day I had John and I booked into see the specialist, John was coming with me for the first time. I don't think he really knew what he was in for. This place always with out fail breaks me! I turn into a ball of mess I wear my heart on my sleeve as some may say and my emotions are all over the place! It doesn't take me long and I'm already crying I remember!
We all start Talking about how long I have been talking the drugs what has been happening, she is pretty cut throat and starts taking in medical terms. she has expressed that it would be in our best interest (mine) if I start some more fertility drugs to go along with the metfoiumn and help with ovulating , and stimulating a period!
When I have done my own research I had heard all about these drugs and I was often wondering to myself when I was going to be placed on these.
So we got a brief overall on what we where to be doing for the next six or longer months if we wished to keep going ! But pretty much we where told that we would do five rounds of using these drugs and if my body hadn't clicked it looked like the next route for us would be to go and do IVF so the water works came on again as those worlds where spelled out !
not because I am afraid of IVF it would just sadden me that I wasn't able to do what the human women body should naturally do! It takes a long time to get over being cruel to your body, I have come along way I did use to blame my body for being a complete piece of shit and hate it for not working properly! But that doesn't and won't help my situation I have to learn to appreciate it and accept it for what it does do well! well learning to love myself is who different blog post on its own! its super hard to love yourself when you struggle with the negative thoughts that arise in your head most days because you cant get your body to perform how it should be in order for you to conceive naturally. its a battle i am yet to win!
So after being dealt all of this information in the 15 minute session we had, I told her before I start these drugs I wanted a follow up blood test to see where my body was at and if there was anything else going on that we should be aware of ! I didn't want to rely on the last years information, things with my body change dramatically I have my really good days and my really dull days. I know i have to stand up for myself, in this situation it is you alone fighting this battle and I have become so in tune with my body and how sensitive it is!!.
She dismissed my request and told me that I don't need another blood test done and we knew all that we need too know ! I stood my ground and requested that it was to be done and I told her I feel a little bit tired and just weird so I would like to have them done! She asked if I would be pregnant I laughed and said no, I also didn't think in a million years that I would be pregnant.
or was i ??
"A strong woman stands up for herself, A stronger woman stands up for everybody else"