So this is quite a personal blog post in regards to talking about my own personal experience with my miscarriage!
so if you didn't already gather from the previous post the miracle that John and I were hoping for did not go ahead! We ended up having an un successful pregnancy which in fact has a medical term of a missed miscarriage
A missed miscarriage, also known as a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus dies, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may still continue to release hormones, so the woman may continue to experience signs of pregnancy.
A missed miscarriage is usually diagnosed during a routine checkup, where the doctor will fail to detect a heartbeat. A subsequent ultrasound will show an underdeveloped fetus.
Signs of Missed Miscarriage = A missed miscarriage is often known as a silent miscarriage because women generally do not have common miscarriage symptoms, such as vaginal bleeding, heavy cramping, or expulsion of fetal tissue. With a missed miscarriage, the placenta may still release hormones, which can continue the signs of pregnancy for women. However, some women may notice that their pregnancy symptoms, like breast tenderness, nausea, or fatigue, may disappear. Some may also have brownish or red vaginal discharge. Doctors can diagnose missed miscarriages by lack of a fetal heartbeat and an ultrasound that will show an underdeveloped fetus.
Rates of Missed Miscarriage = Approximately one percent of all pregnancies will result in a missed miscarriage. Around 20 percent of pregnancies will result in miscarriage.
Missed Miscarriage Causes= Most missed miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus, which do not allow the pregnancy to develop.
I thought finding out that you Were pregnant was suppose to be the happiest time of your life ! Seeing those two pink lines has been something I have dreamed about! However when I saw these two lines I had no time or room to get excited or be happy about this journey.
When my bloods came back from the 2nd blood test it showed my hcg levels where sitting at a very low level this could be explained by only being very early pregnant which at first they put it down to I literally did find out I was pregnant as early as you possibly can! The specialist had said that I could have only just conceived and that we would have to wait and see how it progressed.
My body was very sensitive to this foreign thing being in my body that I did know something was going on ! The weekend before going to the specialist appointment on the following Monday I spent the whole weekend in bed blaming my symptoms on a cold but actually I was just exhausted and honestly could not get out of bed! It's all obvious now!
I was monitored for two and half weeks having blood tests every second day to check my hcg Levels this in itself was mentally and emotionally draining as I knew that this wasn't normal, I knew the specialist was worried and that she was not hopeful for the outcome of this pregnancy !
I have been informed about the chance of having a miscarriage but I always took it with a grain of salt, I thought this wouldn't happen to me! I have heard about women having a miscarriage and I would think omg that's so sad. I never thought I would have to experience this !
It's true that you never know what it feels like to experience something like this until it's happening to you ! I honestly can say my heart goes out to all the women who are grieving the loss of their already loved baby! Because yes from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was already thinking about what colour I wanted to paint the room , what names John and I would be fighting over!
However that all changed as the weeks went on and the testing and the appointments kept on coming! It was clear to see where this was heading and it was going to be a matter of when...
It was an emotional roller coaster that lasted way longer then it should. On my first scan we where only able to see a small sack which was okay as i was very early on it wasn't till our second scan a few weeks later when the sack had grown but nothing had to continue to grow in it, was when I thought it would all be over ! The specialist had said we would miscarry and to wait a week or two and it will happen it self !
Well she was very wrong and weeks went past and nothing was happening I knew something was wrong I knew it wasn't going to happen by itself. this is where I took it upon myself to seek help from another specialist and by doing this I have found an amazing doctor who has been a huge support to john and myself.
Well my feeling was right my body had missed the chance to miscarry by itself and now it needed medical intervention I then had to make some choices to have a dnc or take a pill to bring it all on! I chose to take the pill as I thought it would be less invasive.
However I didn't ask all the questions I should have and if I had been given all the information about the pill and what it would have been like for me I would have opted for the surgery ! I will not go into detail about the pill and how it all happened and and what I went through during the miscarriage but if anyone is wanting to know I will share. Feel free to ask !
So I had the miscarriage and I was in the hospital, that is when I learnt that I also had a very rare blood type which required me to have an injection called an anti D.
This injection needs to be given within 72 hours of a miscarriage to prevent the formation of antibodies that could make a subsequent pregnancy difficult. For example if you are blood group A rhesus negative , and your partner is bloody group o positive then the chances that the fetus is a rhesus positive blood group too ! This does not matter to either mother or baby while the pregnancy remains intact but should there be any bleeding as with a miscarriage, by exposing the mothers blood supply to the fetus the mother then develops antibodies to rhesus blood which will remain in her system forever causing her no harm, then during a subsequent pregnancy. These existing antibodies will be hostile to the developing fetus blood supply. It is a manageable situation, but one that is best an simply avoided by giving rhesus negative mothers an injection which prevents them creating the antibodies in the first place.
If anyone would like to talk to me more about the anti D, feel free too, I was also very weary of allowing them to inject me with this blood injection , but after reading and researching it I now understand it was in my best interest.
In the lead up and after the miscarriage I had to go about my days as usual and this is one of the hardest parts of it, life still Carries on, even when you don't want to! I guess that's how I got through all of this, I could choose to sit and dwell on everything that has happened or I could push through and move forward!
Don't get me wrong I went through some really bad days and I couldn't of done it without the support of my husband and family and friends that I shared our news with!
I found it a very lonely road due to my own emotions, yes no one can truly understand how you may be feeling and I know this to well, this is why I have chosen to share my journey and my story as I have learnt that it's okay to talk about this , and if anyone reading my blog needs that sound board to talk too , I'm right here!
" I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not undertsand it"