Well I should probably update you all on what happened after I found out I was pregnant! I am now writing this blog four months pregnant, in a short five months, I will be able to hold our precious baby and see what we have created! To finally see our little babe will be the best thing, will it look like me or will it look like John, will we have a boy or will we have a girl! I cannot wait for all of this to be answered. I now have to sit tight and await patiently whilst growing my little babe!
It was not the most straight forward way to get our babe but I wouldn’t change it for the world, I grew so much as a person by going through my struggles and I believe I have a great appreciation for how incredible new life is.
I will treasure every waking moment I have with my babe for always and forever!
Well I should start with what happened after I did my pee sticks. I waited a while to see if the test showed up with two pink positive lines before I rang my specialist. I spoke to my specialist and told him that I was pregnant, he then arranged for me to go get a blood test to confirm it, and see where my HCG Levels where sitting. This would tell us a little bit more and give us an indication on whether this was real or if it was a chemical pregnancy or a huge rise in HCG due to the drugs I had been on! This was scary in itself as my first pregnancy resulted in me having to have bloods taken for about three weeks every second day! I did not want this to happen again and I was adamant that I was not going to put myself though that this time either!
I was so scared for what my reading was going to come back at. On the 21st of October I went for my first blood test it came back at 179, this was in fact a positive pregnancy reading and my specialist was very happy and positive about this. He sent me back for another one on the 2nd of November and it was 1816. He was happy with this result too and was waiting for it to go up a little higher and then he would get us in for an early scan to check everything out! I went for my third and final HCG reading on the 6th of November and it had jumped to 10998! This was an amazing reading to get! My specialist rung and asked for John and me to come in and get a scan!
This is when it all got very real! This appointment was one I will never forget, there was so much uncertainty around what was going on! My levels where sitting very high we should be sitting on cloud nine but nothing is ever smooth sailing in my journey hahaha.. We were told three possible outcomes for this pregnancy. 1) that I might be carrying twins due to my high HCG levels. 2) That we may not actually have a successful outcome as my rise might just be due to the drugs and it could be a chemical pregnancy and 3) that we were pregnant. It looked very positive it was just a matter of time to see progress! This was extremely overwhelming to hear, we left with so much unanswered questions and so much uncertainty. The scan showed that the sack was there and my egg yolk was in the right place but it was now a waiting game to see if it progressed!
This was terrifying as I had been in this position once before and the end result was devastating! I wished so much that this was not going to play out the same! For seven days, I had to wait in limbo until our next scan, which is called a dating scan! during this time I lost my mind, I was an emotional wreck and I completely gave up all hope, I didn’t at all feel like I was pregnant, I wasn’t sick, I didn’t feel any different! I put up a wall and I lost all hope, I had convinced myself that I was no longer pregnant and that I wasn’t going to get excited or happy.
I had already started the grieving process, as I truly believed I wasn’t going to have a happy outcome on the next scan! It was a horrible feeling. It is incredible what your mind can do to your body, I had completely switched off and I was a walking zombie! All I wanted to know was if this little babe was here or not! I initially thought I was around eight weeks going into this dating scan I was waiting to have, but it turns out when we went for our scan I was six weeks, six days and to my absolute surprise, we saw our precious wee baby and a flickering heartbeat! I was already crying while lying on the bed being prepared for the scan! I was holding Johns hand and we were both so scared of what we were going to see, the woman stared scanning and to my absolute delight I saw a tiny baby and then she announced there is the heartbeat, those words are the best words that I have ever heard!
John and I where both so stunned and amazed! I cried and cried until the scan stopped! I had never been so scared in my life! We had passed one milestone; we now knew we were definitely pregnant and that we had a little baby! We still had a long road ahead but for now, I was able to get myself together again and start focusing on my baby and myself! As the weeks went by we were taken extra special care of by my amazing specialist, I had regularly checks ups and by 12 weeks I had already had about five scans just to make sure everything was ticking along nicely! I feel very fortunate to have my specialist and I am so grateful for everything he has done for us! With every bad outcome, there is always something good waiting around the corner, and in this case, ours led us to my amazing doctor!
As a precaution and knowing my progesterone levels are never that great due to my condition I was placed on progesterone pills called Utrogestan or pessaries as the ladies who have done IVF call it. Progesterone (pro-for; gest-pregnancy) is a hormone produced by the corpus luteum following ovulation. This important pregnancy hormone plays a key role in embryo implantation. It also helps to maintain a pregnancy. If progesterone drops during the crucial parts of early pregnancy this could lead to a miscarriage, due to this scare I was placed on pessaries for 13 weeks! If anyone has ever been on them you will know how unpleasant these little pills are they are unlike any other pill I have ever taken, they do not go in your mouth that’s all I am saying!
So for 12 weeks twice a night at the exact same time I was inserting progesterone pills! I was also very bloated and so I have felt like I have been walking around with a round bloated tummy for a lot longer then you all may have noticed my now baby bump! Hey, without these little wonders I don’t know where I would be today! Medicine is an amazing thing and I am so glad I have the best looking after me! 12 weeks was the first trimester over but it was also a huge milestone to reach and when I was allowed to stop those pills there was a big celebration that night! Who could have ever imagined that when it comes to making a baby things could be so hard, I have been on one hell of a journey to get here. I have learnt so much and gained so much insight and knowledge that I am grateful to have. I only now hope that I can be a positive story and outcome for the many women and families out there that are still on their pursuit for the positive! For all reading my blogs in hope, know that things always have a funny way of working out.
"A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty"
